Subtitle: The Long Arm of the Law Goes for Crime’s Throat, While Inflation Soars!
Criminals beware, because there’s a new sheriff in town! Chief Kurt of the Metropol will be watching you while you sleep and will slap you with a fine if you even dream of slipping up!
Reports of citizen’s rolling up their sleeves to help fight crime are more or less out of desperation since increasing food and service costs are taking a bite out of budgets throughout the city. The reporter has met with citizens that report soaring crime rates.
In other news! Forget your worries by visiting your local brothel, where the beds are hot and the company is hotter! Why worry about tomorrow when you can get lucky today?
(Silently submitted by: Kaira Diesel)